Marital Engagement

Let me hit you with a hard truth that most entrepreneurs never stop to think about:

Your marriage may be suffering from the same disease that kills businesses.

And you may not even see it.

Let me explain.

Have you ever sat in your office at work, being sick to death of being the only person that seems to be solutions-focused? 

Your team seems to be hell-bent on focusing on the problems.  If they’re not complaining about the problems, they’re creating them. 

They’re doing the bare minimum just to get a paycheck. Participation in meetings in lack-lustre and just once you’d love to hear someone, anyone, say “Hey! I have an idea…”

It’s employee disengagement at its finest, and it kills businesses by choking out its culture.  Worse, it fast-tracks business owner burnout, because you’re bearing the brunt of your role, and everyone else’s you’ve hired. 

“Why am I even paying these people?” you may have found yourself wondering.

((Spoiler alert, Gallup estimates that each disengaged employee can cost a business 18% of their payroll))

But if we invert this scenario to the home-front, might your comfort at home present as disengagement to your spouse?

It’s easy to spot in your team.

But it is a lot harder to notice in ourselves—especially at home.

THIS IS WHAT MARITAL DISENGAGEMENT LOOKS LIKE.

You get home at a reasonable time, but you need to decompress so you spend an hour scrolling on the pot. (Would you tolerate that from an EE?)

You make it to most of the kids' events, but you have no idea when they are, you need a couple reminders each day. (Would you tolerate that from an EE?)

You appreciate that dinner shows up on the table, and that the dishes somehow get done, you’re just not entirely sure what goes into all that.

You have a vague sense of what’s going on in your partner’s life, but listening to that much drama, quite frankly, numbs your brain. 

Sex becomes mechanical, infrequent, or nonexistent — not because of stress or circumstances, but because no one initiates.

Apathy replaces conflict — not fighting anymore, but not feeling close either.

Do I need to keep going?

If you’ve been telling yourself that “providing” is the same as “leading.”
…that being present physically is the same as being present emotionally.
…that carrying the weight of your business earns you a pass in your marriage.

Let me ask you this:
Are you bringing the same level of energy, initiative, and leadership to your relationship as you expect from your best employees?

Are you leading—or waiting to be led?
Are you initiating—or working to avoid tough conversations ?
Are you showing up with presence—or just clocking in at home?

Because here’s what we know from business:
A disengaged employee can cost a company up to 18% of their salary in lost productivity.
Now imagine what disengagement costs in a marriage.
It’s not just emotional. It’s personal. It’s generational.

And in some cases, it can cost you half of everything you’ve worked so hard to build.

SHE DOESN’T WANT A PAYCHECK. SHE WANTS A PARTNER.

Your wife doesn’t need another dependent.
She doesn’t want to be the one carrying the emotional weight of the household.
She doesn’t want to be the only one planning the connection, managing the energy, and holding the vision.

She wants a teammate.  A leader.
A man who seeks what needs to be done—and does it.
Not out of obligation, but because he’s in it- with her.

Because here’s what no one tells you:
Marriage rarely ends with a single catastrophic moment.
It frays slowly—through a thousand missed moments, unspoken requests, unmet needs, and long stretches of emotional distance.

PEP TALK:

This isn’t about guilt—it’s about growth.
It’s a loving invitation to re-engage.
Because the role of “husband” isn’t a title you’re given once.
It’s a role you earn—every day.

HERE’S WHAT TO DO NOW

If you’re willing to admit that maybe—just maybe—you’re really just going through the motions…

Then you’ve got two choices:

1. Keep coasting. Keep believing your own hype. Keep hoping your marriage holds on while you stay emotionally off the clock.
2. Re-engage.
   Not with guilt. Not with flowers. Not with grand gestures.
   With consistency.
   With presence.
   With leadership.

Start showing up like the man she chose.
The man you promised you’d keep becoming.
Because tenure isn’t a performance metric.
And disengagement?

It doesn’t just kill productivity.
It kills marriages.