Part I in a III-part series inspiring you to Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart. Written by Stephanie Fee for The Entreprenewer
“Where do you want to go for dinner,” he would ask me.
“What movie do you want to watch?” he would inquire as we spent what felt like an hour sifting through Netflix, struggling to make a final decision, nearly falling asleep in the process.
“Please choose a place to go tonight. I’m happy with any decision you make,” I would respond. ’ll watch anything you think we should watch,” I would say decisively in my indecision.
“But I want to make sure you like the food,” he would say in a tone that made me think he was predicting my criticism. He almost sounded afraid to make a choice.
After more back and forth, I would begin to get frustrated.
“Please, just make a decision. I have been making decisions all day and you know me, if I have a strong opinion, I will tell you. Why are you so afraid to just pick a damn restaurant or a movie?”
The longer this dialogue would last, the higher the odds I would shoot back at him, puncturing his worth and masculine energy with my verbal bullets.
Insinuating that he was cowardly for not being able to simply, “Tell me what to do!” I rarely got the version of him I was asking for.
Hello, I am Stephanie Fee, and I am a recovering resistant Healthy Beta and a former, full-time, wannabe, Healthy Alpha. We will get to what these terms mean over the course of this article.
I know, intriguing, isn’t it? As an entrepreneur or the partner of an entrepreneur, you live in unique circumstances. This means that your relationship requires a special methodology to truly thrive.
I invite you to this three-part series as I share with you how the book,
Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart by Author and
Coach, Kelly Clements
can transform your relational health and well-being and inject your business with a huge return on your investment in working the method that Kelly so simply and powerfully outlines in the book.
Don’t miss part 2 and 3 of this series. Subscribe to The Entreprenewer Newsletter
contact – Kelly (theentreprenewer.com)
When I began reading Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart by Kelly Clements, my mind wanted nothing to do with Beta energy of any kind. Beta stands for B, the second letter in the alphabet and well, I like to win and have considered myself Alpha in all contexts of my life.
“Beta is the more accommodating partner, the yielder. They can easily oblige, go with the flow, allow, and accept. They are wired to support and keep the peace…”
Reflecting on these small daily moments with Him, I understand now that as an entrepreneur, I was begging for leadership at home rather than leading in pursuit of a partner who felt confident in taking the baton when I passed it to him. I became an Unhealthy Alpha presence that unknowingly left the men in my life feeling less than capable with me around, or at least that is how I think about it in hindsight.
“…Alpha is the more dominant partner—the leader. They are self-assured, confident, driven, and unyielding. Alphas are wired for self-preservation and maintaining their independence.”
To be clear, I did not want that dynamic. I unknowingly perpetuated it.
To put it simply, I believe that if I had understood The Relationship Spectrum, as Kelly outlines in the book, I could have saved myself a lot of distress in intimate relationships.
One of my favorite quotes, “Don’t let a tragedy go to waste,” a slightly altered version of something Winston Churchill said, brought me here, to offer you my truth.
At the end of this article, I hope you look forward to seeing your face in the mirror to confront what exists so you can take the first step toward “making your relationship an energy generator,” as Kelly states in the book.
“He,” who I mention as the person who neglected to lead in intimacy, is used in this article as a singular pronoun for the men that I loved but struggled to stay engaged with over the course of our long relationships.
Choosing to generalize the “He, Him” character that I will reference in this article is not a pointless stereotype.
There were consistent dynamics in my most treasured intimate relationships due to me working against my
authentic
position on the Relationship Spectrum.
He was struggling with this as well but rather than drag him into this any deeper, in this article, I venture to say that if I would have stepped up in my authentic place on the spectrum, there would have been a natural opening for him to find his positioning.
On Easter Sunday of 2015, the day after I moved out of the home that I built with my ex husband, I woke up on the floor of my new apartment. Hungover from accepting drinks from friends helping me “celebrate” the relationship I never intended to end, I looked around and all I could see were boxes filled with stuff I had yet to unpack.
On the spectrum, there are only 2 points of authentic positioning,
Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta.
Both zones are good, neither one is weaker than the other or necessarily parallel to any other role you play in your life.
In tandem and more importantly, when weighted to the natural tendencies of the individual, they become Omega.
Omega is a perfect balance of Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta. Omega can lead unapologetically and yield humbly. Omega has sharpened her intuition with a knowingness of when it’s time to offer advice, hold boundaries, or be a raving fan.
Omega opens up possibilities, it is dynamic and it is always there waiting for us to meet it at the intersection of the balance between Healthy Alpha and Healthy Beta.
Instead, Kelly gives us clear indicators of where we are falling on the spectrum at any time and in any context of our lives with tools to bring us back to a Healthy state of Beta or Alpha that results in extraordinary Omega energy.
By the time my divorce was finalized, Kelly and I had known one another for over 10 years. We met through our work as Program Advisors at
Strategic Coach.
Over the course of working together, our relationship grew into a friendship that flourished in the midst of both of us experiencing chronic relational distress in our marriages. She shares her story in “Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart.” We discovered that we had overlapping experiences with our now ex spouses due to the contrast between our entrepreneurial aspirations over powering our husbands’ leanings toward contentment.
Getting up off of the floor was the first step for me and the biggest. I had a huge figurative headache that came with residual emotional, mental and physical messes that I had to clean up.
Gaping holes in my heart that had been filled in by the pursuit of outward success had to be filled with actions that made ME whole so I could BE love and share it rather than seek it in another person.
Filling in the gaps between me as a wannabe Healthy Alpha and a resistant Beta, was entirely up to the investment that I was willing to put into myself.
Had I known about The Relationship Spectrum, the work I did would have come with far less struggle. Of course there would be challenges but I had no framework and I am so happy that Kelly has provided this for entrepreneurial couples who feel lonely and frustrated by “trying to make it work.”
Where can YOU begin?
Let’s start with helping you identify where you fit on the spectrum, in your relationship, as it stands TODAY.
Often we deny the truth, turning away from the mirror when we see a blemish. That morning, after I got up off of the floor, I looked in the mirror for an extended period of time. My fixation turned to my heart. It was good. It wanted to lead and also wanted to be led. Little did I know that looking at my truth that day would lead me to setting myself free.
May we help you discover your truth?
And remember, if there’s resistance, it’s likely there’s something inauthentic in there to work out.
Next week, Part II of this 3-part Series will help you take the next step toward
Growing Your Business Without Growing Apart.
Purchase a copy of Kelly’s book, Grow Your Business Without Growing Apart.
The Entreprenewer uses a revolutionary approach that gears business tools and concepts toward entrepreneurial couples in a safe environment, giving both parties neutral territory to explore new personal frontiers so they can integrate the success of their business with success in their personal relationships.
Are you an entrepreneurial couple in need of private coaching?
Schedule a consultation with Kelly.
Stephanie Fee Maschek is A Certified Master Health Coach, Ghostwriter and Entrepreneur enthusiastically helping leaders who want to do big things, make bold moves, so they can ascend to their full potential. Visit
THE WILD LARYNX to view Stephanie’s writing services.
