Love in the Fast Lane: Why Road Rage Puts the Brakes on Intimacy

Imagine you and your wife are heading home from date night.  Everything has gone flawlessly.  You had the sitter lined up in advance, reservations booked, you wore your best cologne and that shirt that she loves on you. Conversation flowed effortlessly and you laughed harder together than you have in years.  You’d almost bet a dollar you felt her foot reaching for your leg under the table. You’re headed home, certain you’re getting lucky that night. 

As you accelerate through the final intersection on your way home, a black Mercedes flies past you, swerving into your lane, narrowly avoiding your front bumper.

"Game on, mother*cker!” you think

You’re instantly activated. Your foot slams on the accelerator, determined to catch him.  As you near his back bumper, the gestures and cursing begin but you show no signs of slowing down.

Asserting your dominance on the road has become the only mission.

The flash of frustration and temporary adrenaline spike has overcome the sense of romance and connection you were feeling just  moments ago.

You catch a glimpse of your wife in the passenger seat, white knuckling the handles with terror in her eyes.

It’s Game Over for intimacy that night. 

But why?  You did everything else right.  Don’t you get credit for that?  Can’t she understand that had nothing to do with her.  Can’t she overlook those thirty seconds of road rage and get back to the lightheartedness she had been in all night?

Nope.

Because reckless driving, road rage, aggressive maneuvers—these behaviors may not seem like a big deal, especially to entrepreneurs who thrive on speed, risk, and control. But in a marriage, they send a powerful and unspoken message: "Your safety is not my priority. My sense of significance is."

It’s not just about the road. It’s about the relationship.

When a man gets behind the wheel and drives like nothing can touch him, what he communicates is that he’s not thinking about who’s beside him. That moment of carelessness or bravado says, “I need to prove something more than I need to protect you.”

And that message doesn’t stay on the road. It follows you into the bedroom.

Because here’s the truth: a woman who feels unsafe—physically or emotionally—is not biologically wired to desire sex. When her nervous system senses danger, it kicks into survival mode. And in survival mode, connection, intimacy, and pleasure are the last things on her mind.

Your wife needs to feel safe—not just physically, but emotionally. Safety is the fertile soil where intimacy grows. Without it, you’re looking at a lifetime of boring, obligatory sex.

However, when she feels protected, considered, and cherished, she softens, opens up, and desires closeness.  That emotional safety translates to freedom, ease, and full expression in the bedroom.

So if you want more intimacy, more connection, more passion—start by driving like the man who’s taking his bride in a chariot down the red carpet of bedroom royalty. 

And, if you’re a woman who finds yourself in this position with your partner, click here for some quick tips on how to navigate this relationship wrecker.